I found myself at a crossroads: the idea of me contacting my abusive mother to tell her she may the same medical condition I did was utterly unthinkable. But the idea of me keeping this entirely to myself when I do believe she has lived in chronic pain her entire life, also made me deeply uncomfortable. Now what?
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Now I am two and a half weeks into recovery and I want to throw myself off a building. Because not only is my healing requiring far more time than I can spare, but we have been having what feels like non-stop storms which makes a lot of my symptoms worse because I am still sensitive to barometric pressure changes.
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I knew I did not miss my own mother. Cutting off contact removed my vain hope she would one day become someone she was not and actually be a good mother.
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I didn’t want new stationery, kitchen items, or clothes. I didn’t even want to decorate our new house anymore. I wanted out of this cycle of paying down debt, relapsing, spending, and then having more debt to pay down.
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