I have always had tiny traces of cognitive issues. I would forget things that had just happened. I wouldn’t be able to piece together my day and wind up being unprepared for what’s ahead. I couldn’t figure out how to navigate cities for the life of me. Even one I was familiar with.
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I found myself at a crossroads: the idea of me contacting my abusive mother to tell her she may the same medical condition I did was utterly unthinkable. But the idea of me keeping this entirely to myself when I do believe she has lived in chronic pain her entire life, also made me deeply uncomfortable. Now what?
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Now I am two and a half weeks into recovery and I want to throw myself off a building. Because not only is my healing requiring far more time than I can spare, but we have been having what feels like non-stop storms which makes a lot of my symptoms worse because I am still sensitive to barometric pressure changes.
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I knew I did not miss my own mother. Cutting off contact removed my vain hope she would one day become someone she was not and actually be a good mother.
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A friend recently told me something. Something that didn’t make sense. When I heard it, I first thought it was her covering for her emotional abusive and neglectful partner whom she is unfortunately still entangled with. I asked her about it later, lightly pointing out that what she said didn’t made sense. She responded an hour later with another explanation that made even less sense.
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I used to be an insecure person. In fact, insecurity ruled my entire life. My personality was fear. I had no boundaries, because I couldn’t stand the thought of saying no to someone. Anyone.
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When we put in the dispute, even Navy Federal told us it would be highly unlikely we would get anything back. When I Googled it, one search result estimated our odds of getting all of our money back was around 10%.
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It’s baffling that vendors seem to think customers can make informed decisions when they have no idea what prices are reasonable for an item or service or even have a clear idea of what they want. But, of course, it’s in the best interest of the company if customers don’t research and never question their prices, options, or service.
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It’s normal to want to get opinions on situations you’re going through. Especially if this is your first time going through it. It’s normal to want to research doing something to see what other people have done or gather ideas to meld into your own creation. But do we really need exact guidelines for literally everything, even when there are absolutely no stakes?
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I read recently that when trying to give up a vice you really enjoy, you should introduce something else into your life that you also really enjoy. Because if you love food and you limit yourself to salads without any snacks, now you are left suffering the loss of good food and you have nothing to fill the gap.
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