Now I am two and a half weeks into recovery and I want to throw myself off a building. Because not only is my healing requiring far more time than I can spare, but we have been having what feels like non-stop storms which makes a lot of my symptoms worse because I am still sensitive to barometric pressure changes.
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I knew I did not miss my own mother. Cutting off contact removed my vain hope she would one day become someone she was not and actually be a good mother.
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A friend recently told me something. Something that didn’t make sense. When I heard it, I first thought it was her covering for her emotional abusive and neglectful partner whom she is unfortunately still entangled with. I asked her about it later, lightly pointing out that what she said didn’t made sense. She responded an hour later with another explanation that made even less sense.
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I would picture situations with people approaching me and insulting something I’m wearing or doing. I would put something in my cart and imagine how I would respond if someone came up to criticize me for the item.
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Finally, I find it fun to pull a random fact out of the air and not even be sure why you know it. There are many things rattling around in my brain. Who knows what might become useful while you’re at trivia?
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While it often feels less satisfying without the justice of indignation, it’s ultimately better for the blood pressure and your mental health. It also relieves the stress of constantly expecting people to act unlike themselves and then being shocked when they do something else that’s completely on brand.
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But I wouldn’t say it’s going well. Recently I asked myself why I felt like all I was doing was finding more things to study and not ever getting to any final projects. These are my thoughts.
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You might see a bride say she wants to feed 150 people on a $500 budget. For that many people that works out to just over $3.30 per plate.
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I didn’t want new stationery, kitchen items, or clothes. I didn’t even want to decorate our new house anymore. I wanted out of this cycle of paying down debt, relapsing, spending, and then having more debt to pay down.
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I used to be an insecure person. In fact, insecurity ruled my entire life. My personality was fear. I had no boundaries, because I couldn’t stand the thought of saying no to someone. Anyone.
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