In my garden of mental health disorders, I was blessed with two addictions: shopping and food. I say blessed because neither are actually meth. And by most accounts, that is a far worse addiction.

However, both shopping and food are daily activities that the average person has to do. Even if they don’t do it every single day, they can’t go long without taking part. Which means ceasing the activity compeltely is literally possible.

The food one is pretty obvious to people. But if you want to stop spending all money, how are you going to pay your bills?

I have had issues with spending longer than I have not. But while an obvious element of treatment in cocaine addiction is to steer clear of places, people, and situations that might contain cocaine, there is no way to avoid money in any kind of fashion in the hyper-consumption death state we currently live in.

Last year I had been doing exceptionally well in paying down debt and managing money and making sure our finances were going well. And if you’re wondering why I, the person with compulsive buying disorder, is in charge of finances, let’s just say, I completely agree with you that it is ridiculous but here we are. Anyway, last year things had been on the up and up for months. And then Nova, my fluffy little girl cat, passed away from stomach cancer.

And after she died, we dealt with our grief by buying a couch. And a rug. And some other things…

Our progress paying off debt was completely derailed. Completely. At the end of the year we ended up back in MORE debt than we had been at the beginning.

But when December 2025 rolled around, I added up our total debt and realized how I had just erased all our progress. I tried to think back on everything that had been spent as the amount of debt we were in seemed unfathomable. While I could pinpoint some legitimate purchases (medical bills, home maintenance, etc.) my mental tally fell far short of the total. Which was when I realized something I had heard a recovered shopping addict YouTuber say had just happened to me: I had just bought a bunch of junk that was so insignificant I couldn’t even recall what it was.

I was disgusted, but moreover, I was angry. I turned forty in September 2025. I was forty and still toting around credit card debt. There were lots of financial goals my husband and I wanted to meet and we had been completely stalled from achieving them because some shiny item caught my attention and I decided that was more important than financial security. That was when it hit me:

I didn’t want more junk, I want the financial security!

Our financial future was so much more important than anything I could purchase online. Over the years, I had been growing more and more disinterested in constant consuming, even though that didn’t stop all of my purchases, but it did slow them down. At this point in my life, I had simply had it the weight of credit card debt.

I didn’t want new stationery, kitchen items, or clothes. I didn’t even want to decorate our new house anymore. I wanted out of this cycle of paying down debt, relapsing, spending, and then having more debt to pay down.

At the beginning of the year I set some rules for the foreseeable future:

• Everything must be paid for in cash
• Yes, everything paid in cash
• My husband and I get very small allowances each month that we can use to buy whatever we want, but nothing else
• All purchases must be tracked on our monthly budget
• Paying bills will be tracked
• Debt payments will be tracked
• Monthly budget limits will be adhered to
• My husband and I have a weekly finance check-in where we discuss cash flow and budgeting
• Debt payments are made at the end of the month
• The finance check-in following the end of the month contains all debt numbers and progress

And then there was the question of what happens when life inevitably gets in the way and there is an inciting event that could trigger more overspending. And it was a very good question, indeed.

One of the problems with addiction is that it is often carried out in secret. I have lied to all kinds of people about how much I have spent, how much money I have left, how much debt I have, etc. So I asked my husband that he reviews all bank records with me every week, ask questions about any purchases he doesn’t understand, and make sure all the numbers are where they should be.

At this point, I know myself as an addict well enough to know: I’m not going to do something dumb if I know I’m absolutely going to get caught.

I have also started educating myself about money and one of my new YouTube favorites are watching money advice shows (the good ones, not the Become a Billionaire in 30 Days kind) and compilations dealing with the results of reckless, impulsive spending. One thing I never want to do is let myself think that I am beyond frivolous spending and really nothing I am doing is that bad. Because racking up more debt is that bad. It always it.

Will any of this work? Who knows. But I sure hope so.