When I think about it, I never thought the year I turned 40 would be the year I became who I actually am without physical illness and without diagnoses of mental illness that no longer fit. This leaves me only one question now: What am I going to do for 41?
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But then my husband wanted to play Magic: The Gathering, and then I realized: this was the way I was going to exercise my lagging brain. If you are unfamiliar with Magic; it’s a complex game. To put it nicely.
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I feel as though I was thinking about the test results conceptually. Now I am right back in survival mode. What do I care if someone labels me one thing or another?
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I ate a deviled egg today and apparently the coldness and density of the deviled egg was too much for my body because I immediately started sweating and getting stomach cramps due to a vagal surge. Now, it’s Sunday night and I am filled to the brim with absolute dread knowing I have to go to work tomorrow and I have no idea what person I will wake up as.
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Dr. Theodore Woodward once said something to the effect of, “When you hear hoofbeats behind you, don’t expect to see a zebra.” This example of Occam’s Razor simply means, in this part of the world, you are more likely to see a horse than a zebra. So the simplest explanation, there are horses behind you, is probably the best.
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I have actually experienced medication withdrawal before. One time I had to go cold turkey off two psych meds because of an insurance snafu they refused to resolve for months. Even so, I have never experienced withdrawal symptoms like this.
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This year, so far, has been so overwhelming. I often feel like life is entirely too much. I never seem to reach a point where things are peaceful and not much is going on. This year, however, has been about ten times more blindingly fast and ridiculously chock full of nonsense.
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Although I’m still not 100%, the fog of cognitive confusion is truly lifting. I find myself able to follow complex tasks and I’m even forgetting less. It’s a relief to know the haze I have been living in for so long is not permanent.
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Come to find out, when you have chronic sinus inflammation and the cornucopia of problems I had with sinuses, it can change how you experience spices. Namely, spice hurts. Every Scoville level higher is torture and there is no flavor when there’s heat. There is only heat.
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Healing is an interesting endeavour, because the timelines given are always averages or estimations. I stand in the middle of week 4 post-surgery and there have been many wonderful changes so far. But come week 6, it looks like I will have even more.
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