As a child and young adult, whenever I was tested for introversion/extroversion my results always showed extreme introversion. A high school test rated students on a scale from 1 (complete introversion) to 20 (complete extroversion). The facilitator remarked that the 3 I earned was the lowest she had seen.

Similarly, in an intro to psychology class in my first year of college, I was the most introverted person in the class. A few years later, I read an entire book on introversion and what makes an introvert vs. extrovert. I use to think my introversion was my most stable personality trait at a time when my own identity was a mystery I had no idea how to solve.

It came as quite surprising to me that what seemed like the core my personality slowly started changing. Finally, earlier this year, I took two different, very detailed Myers-Briggs tests and both gave me the results of ENFJ. Which, every single time I had taken the test before, I had always gotten INFJ.

So, what happened?

I discussed this development with my therapist, did some research online, and reflected. Turns out my introversion was probably a trauma response. I was always deeply interested in people and how they worked, however… I learned a very young age that people were capable of awful things. My desire to avoid them was absolutely in an effort to keep myself safe.

I have seen it theorized that some abused children have to learn how people work in order to avoid punishment, pain, and/or rejection. Basically, when you have to keep a moody caretaker happy as a child, you become very good at learning subtle signs of discomfort and annoyance, and those skills actually make you better at dealing with people.

Essentially, I learned the skills, but had no desire to do the job when I was barely surviving day to day. But once things got better and the pressure slowly lifted, I realized that I really did like people. I understood how to deal with the awful ones, I got to meet awesome people who I clicked with, and I also had lots of weird experienced with people that I cannot explain to this day.

So, I might be one of those annoying extroverts after all. But at least I am who I am now, not who the trauma made me.