Going to the grocery store has long been a task I have to grit my teeth with. Although I generally dislike being alone in public period, the grocery store was one place where I constantly felt like everyone else in the store was utterly aware of me and looking for a reason to act like a middle school bully.

I would picture situations with people approaching me and insulting something I’m wearing or doing. I would put something in my cart and imagine how I would respond if someone came up to criticize me for the item.

Even navigating the store was utterly annoying as people grocery shopping, get this, aren’t as hyper aware as I was. Sometimes I would have to impatiently wait for someone to move from an area I needed to search or move their cart from the middle of the aisle. Every time I collected my cart, I thought to myself, I have to be ready to fight everyone in this store.

I never had a clear understanding of why this was happening. I thought it was social anxiety and when I mentioned it to a mental health professional in the past, they agreed.

When I went to the grocery store today I was concerned about there being more people than usual in the store. I had started grocery shopping at 6am, right when they open, to avoid crowds. But today I got my cart and walked into the store and the anxiety was… gone.

I navigated the store without issue. I had no fear or concern some random shopper would say anything rude to me. In fact, I saw one woman taking a long time to decide between peanuts or walnuts and I hoped she was having a good day. I couldn’t imagine why I would ever think these other shoppers held ill will towards me.

So what happened?

Well, I’m not 100% sure. But I have a theory: my sinus and airway surgery resolved this issue.

Stay with me here. It sounds like this symptom has nothing to do with my nose. Turns out the human body is even weirder than I even suspected.

My sinus and breathing problems could have potential meant I was not taking in enough oxygen. This also meant I was not getting restorative sleep (which makes sense because of my sleep apnea diagnosis). This, combined with the sinus inflammation I was constantly dealing with, could have put me into a state of hyperarousal. Meaning I could have potentially been in the fight or flight state when the breathing and sinus issues started.

Unfortunately, the breathing issues were caused by incorrect anatomy, which I was born with. Meanwhile, I started having notable sinus problems at 16 years old. So potentially I could have been in hyperarousal for about 20 years.

Naturally, I have no idea what this means yet. I am literally 7 days post-surgery and it’s probably too early to tell. But it’s a fun theory.