As much as it sucks that it’s a fact you have limited ability to change your circumstances, but all the ability to change your reaction to circumstances, it’s also hard to internalize. Here’s how I was raised to believe that the reaction should go:
- Annoying person does annoying thing annoying person does
- You get frustrated and get to talk about how annoying annoying person is to all your friends
- Resentment builds and builds until you end up hating annoying person, overtly or covertly
- It becomes a bitch eating crackers situation
But how it should actually work is as follows:
- Annoying person does annoying thing annoying person does
- You feel your feelings about what happened
- You decide what you are going to do about this behavior: which could be accepting it, speaking to the person, or making sure to remove the elements of the situation so it doesn’t happen again (one of the elements could be you)
- Ultimately, if annoying person continues to be annoying you accept it as a part of their personhood and move on with your day
Which I shouldn’t have to mention is extremely hard to do. Especially when you’ve had so much experience watching people eat crackers… Anyway, I’m still getting used to the second flow of events.
While it often feels less satisfying without the justice of indignation, it’s ultimately better for the blood pressure and your mental health. It also relieves the stress of constantly expecting people to act unlike themselves and then being shocked when they do something else that’s completely on brand.
While I am clearly a firebender, based reality and on the official Avatar: The Last Airbender online quiz, there are benefits to being water. While not nearly as fun, it’s definitely a step up from how I used to handle situations like this in the past. One day it might get easier.
I just need more practice.
